‘Always My Son’ by Dr Zabidah
Always My Son
You are my son, a part of me, and that will never change,
No matter what you do in life my love will still remain.
I held you as a baby and I looked into your face,
And I knew then, no other one could ever take your place.
I knew then as I held you, you would grow to be a man,
And anything you did in life I’d try to understand.
I knew you would make choices and would follow your own heart,
I only prayed that in your life I’d always have a part.
I knew some things you did in life would give me so much pride,
But also realized some things would tear me up inside.
I only want the best for you and want you to succeed,
And want you to find happiness with everything you need.
I can only guide you and give you a helping hand,
You will choose the path to take now that you are a man.
Along the road that you will choose, whatever that may be,
Just remember this my son that you can count on me.
I will not try to push you to live life in my own stride,
I only promise I will love you and stand by your side.
I know that you will make mistakes and life is full of them,
But realize my love for you will not let me condemn.
I know this life’s not perfect and we do the best we can,
Just realize I love you and I’ll always understand.
I knew one day you would grow up and you would leave my nest,
I will do what I can for you and let God do the rest.
Love from your mother…
Today is Tuesday, 8th September 2009 and it is my housemate’s birthday, Syed Syafiq. I have no idea what present to give him but I tried to be the first person to wish. However, in the end, Syafiq came back late in the morning. Slightly disappointed, I promised him to break ‘fast’ together today in JM Bariani, Alamanda. He has been my great companion since last year and I hope I can do the best for him, at least wish and take him for dinner for his 21st birthday. It’s my sign of appreciation towards him.
As usual, his hand phone full with birthday wishes. Just like his Facebook. ‘Hi, Syafiq! Happy birthday!!’ wishes seems like covering the whole page of Facebook. However, among the large numbers of birthday wishes, I find one wish which is the best. It’s from her mother, Dr Zabidah, which I called her ‘aunty’. I knew her mother quite a while but it feels like forever. She is a mother of 4 sons, a busy doctor but a great cook, as well as housewife. In the blink of eye, it seems like I was part of the family and Syafiq is like my own brother.
For Syafiq’s birthday; her first son, she gave him a poem. Like the one I paste above. It touched me like no others. Reason? My father happened to give me once when I was in my secondary school. I kept it for 6 years but lost it when I joined CUCMS. My father is not a man who is good in revealing his love towards his son through his speech but he shows it through his action. When I was young, I always being scolded by him because of my naughtiness and I did think that I would never understand him. I always make mistakes and make him angry and down.
As time goes by, I did learn my father’s thought and action. I gradually understand how much he loves me as his first son, how great his expectation towards me and Islam, how much he wants me to be great in life, to grab the real happiness in this world and hereafter and the most important, understand my real existence in this world. He tried his best to guide me, brought me to a road that he believed is the best, and although sometimes I tend to waver from that path, he reminds me. He never gave up on me although some people look down on me. Of course, a father always believes in his son, no matter what.
That’s why I tried my best to live to his expectation. My father taught me that achieving a never-ending happiness is greatly related to your understanding of responsibilities towards yourself, family, country and God. For him, if I understand that, happiness will come by itself. Live like a great man, crawl up to accomplish dreams and keep the spirit burning till death comes. That’s why when I wrote my do’a; to die ‘syahid’ at age of 50, to be recited by him in front of Kaabah last month, he didn’t laugh at me. He understands me and I want him to know that I will be his great son and continue his job.
Although the poem he wrote to me has lost 3 years ago but I still can recall the essence of his words. That’s the reason why I was touched by the poem – Always My Son.
To Syafiq, I want him to know that there is always someone who will stay at your side although sometimes the world seems like to put you aside. They will never give up on you, they believe in you no matter what. Therefore, when you reach your dream and stand at the top of the world, don’t forget them; your parent. It is always a reminder not only for you, but also for me.
To aunty, thank you for taking care of me like your own son. Although I am an outsider, you treat me more than just a son. I hope that one day; my wife will do the same towards my sons and daughters.
I happened to dream a family that full of laughter, having dinner together, pray together, give ‘tazkirah’ to them and hang out together to all interesting places in this world. Although it’s just a dream, I want to realize it. Having this in thought, it gives me the sense of ‘begin with the end in mind’. It helps me to realize my upcoming responsibilities as a man, a father, husband as well as a Muslim, which are not the same if I thought of a short term relationship.
Thanks aunty for the inspiration. I feel great today.