My Erroneous Zone
The Useless Emotions: Guilt and Worry
If you believe that feeling bad or worrying long enough will change a past or future event, then you are residing on another planet with a different reality system. Throughout life, the two most futile emotions are guilt for what has been done and worry about what might be done.
Like any other people in this world, I happened to make mistakes in my life and that mistakes, is the biggest and worst that occur throughout my life. It left me with tremendous effects and deep regrets. I was filled with guilty and depression for what I have done wrong. I also worried of what am I should do and what if I ever repeat it again. The emotions are very strong and leave me quite a long time to access, extract and get me back to life.
What I have gone through?
That period of time, I was at the most horrible condition. My body, heart and mind fall apart. I fall sick, lost my weight, lost and confused, no focus on everything I done and the worst thing, I could never close my eyes without waking up with a bad dream. Luckily I couldn’t sleep enough though.
The first 5 days, I locked myself in my room and just lying on the bed. I tried to sleep but my mind was in subconscious state. I slept but wake up several times and found out that I was sweating to death. I attended the class but my mind was not there. The emotions; guilt, worry and hopelessness blend, sometimes turned out to hatred and furious. I realized how much I suffered emotionally down to my heart and it affects badly; my mind and body.
How I deal with ‘it’?
And so, I took effort to eliminate them. When I thought back, why should I suffer myself? Why should I care much about one people’s perception although there are a lot of people around me who concern and care about me? What benefit does the useless emotion give me? What is my contribution to my family and my ‘ummah’ when I only lied around, suffered and doing nothing around? Then, I took out a piece of paper and I started to make sketch.
I drew three columns to the right of the event. In the first column, I wrote down for each of these events, the impact on me from all aspects. Next, in the second column, I wrote down its implication towards people around me; my friends, my family and lastly for my future. Last column, I jotted down my own resolution and my principle of life. It’s like an application of SWOT things but I altered it into my own way. With this, when I took a look back, I could see how much I have change, how mess up I was and how much I have to compensate for it.
I pasted the paper on the wall, behind my back and every time I lied down, I read and read it several times. Slowly, it carved deep into my heart and by the next few days, I started to breathe clearly. My mind became clear although my heart still in pieces. I spend my time with my group mates, laughed and ate together. I read another books, again and again, enjoyed everything that make me happy, got back in ‘usrah’, leadership, programs and activities, then I found back my path. A path which need me to aim high but I believe I can do it. Because I’m special!! And I was determined to make mistakes, a lot of, in order for me to become better and climb to the top of my life.
My strong points
For those times, I learn to;
- Prioritize viciously – for myself, my future and my generation
- Say ‘No’ and ‘No’ for the sake of peace and better quality of my life
- Spend time on the things that really mattered and with the people who really mattered
- Your Erroneous Zone by Wayne Dyer
- Work Less, Achieve More by Fergus O’Connell